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Under what circumstances is oral sex rape possible?

This article has caused controversy to some readers mainly because its purpose has been misunderstood. Rather than condone rape as some readers initially misinterpret it, it is written in a style which provokes readers to come out. There are many people who have been victimised  in the past and are hurting in silence even in their adulthood. We hope this unconventionally written article will help them gather courage to share their ordeals, and then eventually also have that courage to seek professional help.

 [Also read: are there any benefits of oral sex? here] and [Is homosexuality natural? here]

I have sat, thought and thought, argued and argued with myself. The case at hand is heterosexual rape.

In a rape involving the traditional sex act, in addition to using other threatening means, the offender most probably pins the victim down on her back before he gets on top of her.

That position puts him in a position where he can probably hold both arms of the victim, thereby effectively demobilising her. Once she is down and demobilised, she becomes very vulnerable.

The offender on the other hand is at an advantage – the heavier and/or stronger he is, the more advantageous his position becomes. Moreover, his lower body from the waist downwards remains quite flexible and is able to commit the crime.

Let us now examine the circumstances under a non-traditional sex act – oral sex, to be specific.

This is what might happen during oral sex. The man either stands and the woman sits or kneels on the floor. Alternatively, the man sits (bed, chair – mention it) and the woman sits or kneels on the floor. Another approach could involve the man lying on his back and the woman looking for comfortable position.

Who is vulnerable during oral sex? According to my imagination, all the above styles put the man in a vulnerable position vis-à-vis the woman.

However, it even gets worse. Oral sex involves the woman putting the man’s sexual organ, a tendon, into her mouth, between a set of very powerful weapons – teeth. There are incisors that are designed to cut, canines that are for tearing and the molars that grind.

Irrespective of the posture used, once the male organ is inside a woman’s mouth, if the man is an offender, he is in a very vulnerable position – if that mouth is closed with enough energy, the offender needs to be a very strong and pain resistant person to recover quickly enough to re-assault the victim.

Of course I appreciate and have reservations about this strategy – if this happens behind locked doors, the victim may refrain from this strategy least the offender recovers quickly and assaults her.

Let us explore an additional scenario. The scene is a hotel and the victim is a hotel room cleaner. According to hotel room cleaning practice code, a cleaner leaves the door open. In addition, cleaners have some kind of trolleys which they leave outside the door. So, the victim’s initial encounter with the offender happens during cleaning time, when the door is open and potentially when a trolley is at the door.

There are only three options under which a rape can happen under these circumstances. Firstly, the offender decides to ignore the open door and the trolley outside the door. Here the offender would risk the possibility of creating suspicion particularly when he is stupid enough (as is often the case) to start singing/moaning with pleasure.

The second option is for him to walk naked (having come from the bathroom naked) to the open door and then close it. It isn’t impossible, but it requires a bit of courage.

The third option is for the offender to threaten the victim, tell her not to make any noise and instruct her to go and shut the door. However, unless the offender has a lethal weapon, the immediate response for the victim is to flee once she gets to the door.

If the offence actually takes place, we can assume that one of the above three options is employed.

But, let’s go back to the styles of oral sex. The offender, in a hotel room is very vulnerable is whichever posture he employs. In fact, if the victim is very angry, her lethal weapons can cut-off that tendon.

That is why I keep wondering whether it is really possible!

 

75 responses to “Under what circumstances is oral sex rape possible?

  1. georgia

    March 5, 2017 at 3:10 am

    ok I’m curious to know if you are 11 tell everyone you are 17 smoke weed drink smoke cigs dress like a rebelous 17 year old and willingly suck an 18 year old dick that wasn’t aware of your age your mother finds out and presses rape charges what is going to happen

     
    • bedsidereadings

      March 15, 2017 at 8:13 am

      Hi Georgia, this is about age of consent. At 11, you are not considered an adult and your mother has full responsibility. Any sex, even after consent is by law automatically treated as rape. The beneficiary (18 yr old) should know better. surely at 11, however mature your body looks and you act, there should be some significant difference with a 17 yr old. Thumbs up for Mum. Interesting read here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-39305042

       
  2. Erica

    February 1, 2017 at 5:34 am

    Im 15 now but when i was 12 I would get baby sat by these people who which i loved dearly and the man of the house who was the husband of the woman who babysat me was drinking one day i was in their daughters room laying down on the bed and he came in the room and just took my pants off and put his toung down there and off course me being young i was like in shock and stood there frozen till he finished till this day I haven’t been able to say what he did to me unless it’s behind a screen with a fake name not to mention the fact that it’s disturbing and hard to explain can someone please help and just tell me if that was rape if I should consider myself a virgin why does it hurt so much please someone….

     
    • bedsidereadings

      February 1, 2017 at 7:11 pm

      Erica, sorry for the ordeal you have been subjected to. The same people who were supposed to protect you are the ones who violated you. Rape, it was. I just can’t imagine a 12 year old with a mature man. It is both rape and physical injury. You are 15, and could be going to school. If you school offers counselling services, please take full advantage of them. Please do not keep it bottled up.

       
  3. Anonymous

    January 8, 2017 at 2:25 pm

    So when I was in 7th grade an older guy about age 10th grade – he was 16 i think and i was 12 and he came to my friends house and started to kiss me and i kissed back because i didnt think anything of it. He then took me into the closet and it was dark and he kept telling me to suck his dick but i kept saying no and he took my head and forcefully put it on his man parts repeatedly. when it happened i didnt think much of it I was only 12, but he was 16 and should know that thats wrong… Is that considered oral rape ?

     
    • bedsidereadings

      February 1, 2017 at 7:04 pm

      Anonymous,
      Rape is rape. Age doesn’t change anything. At 12 you were just a baby and hardly new the difference between your left and right hand, and shouldn’t take any share of the blame. That adolescent took advantage of you because of age, size and experience. I can only say sorry and commend you for picking the courage to share your nasty experience. Do you ever see this guy around?

       
  4. Anonymous

    November 6, 2016 at 11:19 pm

    I do pray about it but my main issue is no one understands what I’m going through. I was wondering if they have support groups for survivors of sexual assault?

     
  5. Anonymous

    November 4, 2016 at 7:15 am

    It is absolutely possible to be orally raped. I wish it wasn’t true but it is.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      November 6, 2016 at 6:48 pm

      See previous reply – I presume you are the same blogger.

       
  6. Anonymous

    October 28, 2016 at 6:59 am

    Oral rape is a real thing. It happened to me by this guy I met on a dating site. On the first date everything went good except for when he started kissing me and shoved me onto his lap and began feeling up my vagina through my pants. That should’ve been a red flag but I went on a second date with him. Days before our second date he kept asking me for a blowjob and told me if I didn’t give him one he would leave me and ever talk to me. I said ok just to shut him up and because men never approach me especially very handsome ones like him but deep down I did not want to do it because I was a virgin and had just gotten my first kiss a few months ago. After dinner he took me to an empty parking lot next to the woods where he began to kiss me. Then he proceeded to unzipping his pants and kept telling me to give him head. I told him “no I’m scared to”. He got this scary look in his eyes and I was afraid of what he would do to me if I didn’t do what he said because it was late at night and no one was around the car so I couldn’t call for help. He shoved my head onto his genitals as far down as he could and had me in a head lock. I was gasping for air and he kept shoving my head all the way down onto his genitals really hard and my throat ached. To make things worse he plugged my nose so I had no way of breathing. I thought I was going to die until he finally released me from the headlock. He forced me into the back seat and proceeded to rape me until he ejaculated in my mouth and forced me to swallow. I acted like everything was fine because I didn’t want him to yell at me or hurt me even more. But inside I was crying. He dropped me off at home and I acted like everything was fine but I cried myself to sleep that night. I haven’t been the same since what happened to me I have a lot of mood swings and snap easily. I want to press charges against him but I’m scared to because the evidence is gone. Is there anyway I still can? I haven’t told anyone except my best friend because I’m scared my parents will blame me for what happened to me. I know I shouldn’t have done online dating but I did not deserve to be raped.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      November 6, 2016 at 6:47 pm

      Please see the response to the previous blog. Just out of interest if you don’t mind – has he ever made contact again?

       
      • Anonymous

        November 6, 2016 at 11:21 pm

        No he has not because I told him what he did was rape and we stopped talking after that. My friend told me he has a girlfriend now I’m just praying he doesn’t do what he did to me to her. No one deserves it

         
      • bedsidereadings

        November 7, 2016 at 7:56 am

        Can you try one of the support channels suggested below as a STARTING point for help?

         
  7. Anonymous

    October 28, 2016 at 6:56 am

    Oral rape is a real thing. It happened to me by this guy I met on a dating site. On the first date everything went good except for when he started kissing me and shoved me onto his lap and began feeling up my vagina through my pants. That should’ve been a red flag but I went on a second date with him. Days before our second date he kept asking me for a blowjob and told me if I didn’t give him one he would leave me and ever talk to me. I said ok just to shut him up and because men never approach me especially very handsome ones like him but deep down I did not want to do it because I was a virgin and had just gotten my first kiss a few months ago. After dinner he took me to an empty parking lot next to the woods where he began to kiss me. Then he proceeded to unzipping his pants and kept telling me to give him head. I told him “no I’m scared to”. He got this scary look in his eyes and I was afraid of what he would do to me if I didn’t do what he said because it was late at night and no one was around the car so I couldn’t call for help. He shoved my head onto his genitals and had me in a head lock. I was gasping for air and he kept shoving my head onto his genitals really hard and my throat ached. To make things worse he plugged my nose so I had no way of breathing. I thought I was going to die until he finally released me from the headlock. He forced me into the back seat and proceeded to rape me until he ejaculated in my mouth and forced me to swallow. I acted like everything was fine because I didn’t want him to yell at me or hurt me even more. But inside I was crying. He dropped me off at home and I acted like everything was fine but I cried myself to sleep that night. I haven’t been the same since what happened to me I have a lot of mood swings and snap easily. I want to press charges against him but I’m scared to because the evidence is gone. Is there anyway I still can? I haven’t told anyone except my best friend because I’m scared my parents will blame me for what happened to me. I know I shouldn’t have done online dating but I did not deserve to be raped.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      November 6, 2016 at 6:45 pm

      It is very saddening reading such encounters. You lost your virginity to a bully rapist – very sorry for that but hold your head high for having the courage to come out and share your experience. We have tried in vain to engage a professional to offer the relevant support on our blog. If you are a student, you might find support at your school. If you are religious, so may fight support where you pray. If you work, you may find support with the HR.

       
  8. Maura

    October 13, 2016 at 12:16 pm

    This has happened to me more than once. Most recently I was in an old classmate’s car, coming back from a memorial service (someone else arranged the ride-I don’t drive) and I was crying. He pulled into a lot behind a hospital that’s undergoing renovation and is closed and unlit and reached across and held me which I appreciated at first. Then when I finally finished crying he pulled back and wiped my tears and then started rubbing at my bottom lip with his thumb which was weird. Then he reached around the back of my head and got a fistful of hair and some of the skin on the back of my neck and started hauling my head across the centre console with one hand and undoing his fly with the other which is when I fully realised what was going on. I started pulling back toward the passenger seat and hit my cheekbone off the gear shift. He bashed it a second time for good measure. I was seeing stars by the time he got his penis free. He put his fingers in my mouth and grabbed my bottom lip, pulled at it until I opened my mouth, then put a finger on the outside of my mouth, pushing my cheek, so if I’d close my teeth I would bite a hole in my own cheek and then he readjusted his grip on my hair and brought my head down over his penis. After a minute or two he let go of my hair but not my cheek. I still kept going. I’m not proud, but I did. He grabbed me by the hair again when he was about to finish and he forced himself as far down my throat as he could. I couldn’t breathe-I thought I was going to choke. The second he let me go, I threw up down my front and he gave me a car towel and told me to get my shit together.

    The other time involved a bed. I was flat on my back, arms to the sides, and he was kneeling on them (I couldn’t feel them after a moment or two) facing me. He’d slid up toward my mouth, did a very similar thing to the other man—pushing my cheek into my teeth painfully until I opened my mouth and then he held my lower jaw and had sex with my mouth in the same way he did with my vagina.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      October 14, 2016 at 7:06 pm

      Maura,
      Sorry for the trauma after trauma which you have endured. You were right to give in both times because these are sick and potentially harmful people. Just steer clear of them and their similar associates. Have you by any chance met these guys again? If so, how have they behaved?

       
  9. Mary

    September 2, 2016 at 10:19 am

    My boyfriend, now ex put his penis in my mouth and I pushed away and said no and he kept forcing me to do it. I want to press charges but this was a couple of months ago. Can I still press charges and will he get time in jail?

     
    • bedsidereadings

      September 7, 2016 at 6:01 pm

      Mary, sorry about your experience. This question is beyond our scope of knowledge and expertise. As in the response to Nakita, we have sought this expertise but have failed. It is even difficult to suggest who you should consult because you must have thought about the obvious channels and decided against them. Is there anyone on this blog who can offer advise?

       
  10. Nikita

    August 3, 2016 at 3:25 am

    I was raped when I was 27. He had worked for about three months as a gardener and handyman at plumber and gained entry to our house. I had placed a request for the same. In my house, while I was going to show him the place for fixing things, he suddenly grabbed my breasts from behind and started pressing them and pulling me closer to him. I was completely stunned and shocked by the attack. Alarmed, I started wildly thrashing my hands and legs to let go of him, to no avail. He pushed me forward and threw me down on my bed. I tried fighting but he overpowered me, tore my skirt, slapped me, put my legs on his neck and raped me for more than a couple of hours. All the while, he kept saying that I was hot, it was cool to have sex with him and kept passing obscene comments at me. I kept pleading him to at least wear protection and he finally agreed on the condition that I give him oral sex first, which I did. He proceeded to force me on my knees and penetrated me from behind. By this time, I had lost all energy and sanity and I cooperated to get it over with. Finally, he made me strip myself naked and again raped me. When he was finally done, I was so ashamed I requested him not to tell anyone about the incident. To prevent him from recording the incident, I cooperated with him which, probably saved ny life. He physically kept molesting and grabbing me and I shouted at him to let me give him oral sex one final time and then let go of me. He agreed, I complied and he finally disappeared. I was afraid, heavily depressed and so sick of the incident that I did not proceed legally against him. The most humiliating part was he blackmailed me he’d disclose to my husband that I was responsible for it all. I asked him not to and in return, he had forced sex with me at my house twice more when my husband and daughter used to be away. Both the occasions were rough, physically abusive and he used to force me to make myself get penetrated by his manhood while he used to lie in my bed. The only thing that prevented me from getting pregnant was the time frame when it occurred. During the third rape, I asked him to end it forever as I had already cooperated and had a lot of sex with him and he finally ended it.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      September 7, 2016 at 5:56 pm

      Nakita, things like this shouldn’t happen to anyone at all. First of all I commend you for having the courage to come out and share such details.From what you have narrated, you did the best thing at the time, otherwise your life would have been in danger – people are crazy! This is a case that requires an expert in this area. We have tried to engage someone on a voluntary basis but our efforts have not come to fruition. We hope someone with expertise in this area can read this and offer the much needed support. If you don’t mind, has the experience had a dramatic impact on your sexual relationship with your husband or do you have normal sex with him?

       
  11. Harley

    June 28, 2016 at 10:25 pm

    I think I was raped but I don’t no I told him no but he didn’t stop putting he’s penis in my mouth & I got kinda turned on but still didn’t want to do it I’m a Virgin Just now had my first kiss I wasn’t & I’m still not ready

     
    • bedsidereadings

      July 13, 2016 at 7:16 am

      Harley, thumbs up for you – please keep your special one. Please, please, do not give in to anything until you have said ‘I do’. Out of interest – how old are you?

       
  12. ......

    June 16, 2016 at 3:22 pm

    Umm I’m a boy and when I was 10 I never knew my dad through my whole life and umm he uh came and broke into my house and vaginally raped my mom and he umm orally raped me…

    I’m 13 and still haven’t gotten over it and he is I’m jail and will be for many years to come but the thought and image haunts me and I haven’t eaten a hotdog or cucumber since and , it’s just embarrassing and I didn’t know what to do.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      June 24, 2016 at 5:44 pm

      Dear Djlo,

      I’m so sorry to hear of what happened to you and your mom. Did you get some counseling over this matter and have you discussed it with your mother of lately?

       
  13. Anonymous

    April 4, 2016 at 10:43 pm

    I was 12 and the user was 22. I had a crush on him, being 12 and all. His mother used to babysit me. Before hand he used to feel my leg and bum and me not reallt understanding it i didnt tell anyone, he would do it continually. One night he came into my room woke me up and took me out said he had to show me something and to not tell anyone or they’d be really mad at me. So I followed him and he started to feel me up and kiss me. I didn’t react because I was very confused and didn’t understand what he was doing I just thought it was a kiss. But then he pushed me down on my knees and told me that if I did this one thing he would marry me and we’d be together forever and other stupid promises. And foolishly I did the unspeakable act and ever since then I had never told anyone. He told me not to and I thought I’d get into trouble and I was scared. To this day I am filled with rage with myself for doing it and confused and constantly blaming myself cause I know it was my fault. I still haven’t told anyone because I’m still terrified at the age of 20 now I’m still scared.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      April 20, 2016 at 4:32 am

      Sorry Anonymous, you have every right to be filled range, but that range should be directed at him not yourself. Now he is 30 – do you ever meet him? Do you think you can pick up the courage to confront him? If you go to collage in Europe or America I suggest that you go for professional advise which your intitution must be providing. The bottom line is that you should stop blaming yourself. You were forced into a situation which you had not control over.

       
  14. Rachel

    February 17, 2016 at 12:00 am

    if you were forced to do something oral with another is it rape? also they dont want to report it becasue of under age drinking?

     
    • bedsidereadings

      March 1, 2016 at 10:17 pm

      Rachel, a good number of followers of this blog will concur that it is rape. If you know someone fearing to report because of under age drinking please inform them that rape cannot be compare with under age drinking and encourage them to seek justice.

       
  15. anoncay

    February 10, 2016 at 1:24 am

    I was raped orally a month ago right before Christmas the same day my apartment was robbed. The assaulter was my boyfriends best friend who happened to be his roommate too. My boyfriend was at work when it happened. I felt disgusted and scared I tried to reason with him during it and put my hands over my eyes but he took my balled up fist and placed it on his genitals. Then slammed his member in my throat and didnt stop until i fell back. He then proceeded to say horrible creepy things and take pics before and after. He covered my body with his filth. And he kept saying I needed that because I looked like I had a rough day. I pressed charges a little over a week ago and now the evidence is gone. I have had nightmares and have become paranoid I can’t trust anyone anymore. I was so scared and I tried to bite his member like u mentioned but he held my mouth open. Oral rape is real rape and it makes u feel like its your fault. I still wish I would have tried harderto fight back and iI wish I would have pressed charges the night it happened. But I was so scared and shocked because this was someone I knew for 6 years and the same amount of time I knew my boyfriend. My boyfriend knew him since 8th grade and he was in deep in our lives and our families knew each other. All I have to say is if you or anyone you know has been orally raped or any other rape report it immediately! If you wait the case is harder to solve and I don’t even know if I will be granted a case or not because I waited almost a month to report it out of fear.

     
  16. lauren

    November 3, 2015 at 1:49 am

    personally I am confused as i was sexually assaulted for 8 years by my elder brother who’s now in prison for it but however when it went to court four years ago although he forced me to give him oral I’d never been told that it was rape n he didn’t get charged with rape yet he got charged with attempted rape for trying to penetrate my vagina so now I’m questionung wether he raped me or not because I don’t see it as rape

     
    • bedsidereadings

      November 3, 2015 at 10:06 pm

      Lauren, please bare with us. These cases now require an expert. We are trying to get a qualified person to offer the necessary support and advice.

       
      • lauren

        November 4, 2015 at 12:48 am

        I know I just think that things should be made clear because I was watching a documentary and most people didn’t know that oral counts as rape even victims and the people doing it. which is why I came to find this because I was searching for answers

         
    • xxxxxxxx

      December 12, 2015 at 6:42 pm

      A man broke into my house a year ago. When I woke up he was standing over me. When I screamed he but his hand over my mouth. Duct taped my mouth tied my hands and legs to my beg post. He told me that he had been watching me for weeks and had dreamed of doing this to me. He undressed me an preformed oral sex on me for about and hour as a cried. He told me not to cry that he just wanted to make me feel good. He turned himself in 7 days later and was released 6 months later. I have not been able to have sex since. Any suggestions on how to get over this.

       
      • bedsidereadings

        December 12, 2015 at 11:05 pm

        Dear Xxxxxxxx, just like we responded to Lauren, we have got to a point where we need a professionals’ input. We are working towards that.

        Meanwhile I commend you for having the courage to share yor ordeal with. I hope many more follow your example. I am at the same time sorry for what you were subjected to!

        If I may ask, you say he handed himself in – did you know him?

         
  17. Mandi

    October 31, 2015 at 8:54 pm

    When I was forced to preform oral sex, I had a hard time calling it “rape”. I would think/say I was “sexually assaulted” the manner of which it happened is not mention in your three positions. I was laying on the couch and woke up to him masturbating in front of me. He then climbed on top of me(thinking he was going to try and vaginally rape me), I put my legs together, with my knees up(similar to the fetal position, only on my back)so entry would be impossible if I could just keep that position. He held my knees in place as he forced himself into my mouth with his knees where my shoulders were. I was scared. You don’t think how to make it stop, you think about not dying, not making him angrier. It was a 7 minute struggle. Once it was in there, it was hard to get it out because I could only move my head. When I would manage and beck him to stop, he’d shove it in harder. There are absolutely ways to be powerless when giving oral sex. It took me three years to tell someone other than his sister(who said he was “probably just drunk”) and admit to myself it was rape.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      October 31, 2015 at 10:57 pm

      Mandi, I am lost for words! However, I must both thank and commend you for picking up the courage to open-up. I am aware that this is an experience you are never going to forget, but have you managed to get into a relationship since that ordeal? Your narration suggests that you knew this guy and his sister – his sister was probably your close friend, close enough for you to confide your then secret with her. Did you ever confront him? Do you still see him around? Does he live a normal life or have his criminal habits caught up with him?

       
  18. Maddy Leanne

    August 19, 2015 at 6:06 pm

    I was sexually abused by my brother who is eight years older than me. It started when I was a toddler and carried on for many years. He attempted many times to vaginally rape me but I was too small but he used his fingers and other objects. He orally raped me both giving and receiving. I have told only my best friends and a trusted teacher. I started questioning my sexuality and because of this my classmates started bullying me. They threatened to hurt me and to kill me so I was afraid to go to school. But I also hated going home because my house is full of bad memories. It is impossible for me to cry and I just don’t know what to do. This article was not so much offensive as it was ignorant but I do agree that it has encouraged me to speak up. Good job.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      August 19, 2015 at 9:35 pm

      Maddy, first and foremost sorry for what you have been subjected to. Yours is of a unique kind – it is not only rape but incest as well. We all have an element of ignorance, that is why learning is a never ending affair – I have personally learn’t something from you. I commend you for having the courage to speak out. I hope others learn from you and follow your example.

      If you don’t mind me asking you, how is your relationship with your brother? Do you talk? Have you confronted him? Did he do it to other people? Is he married?

       
      • Maddy Leanne

        August 20, 2015 at 6:02 pm

        My relationship with my brother is pretty much normal now. We act as if it never happened. I don’t even think he knows that he has hurt me. Fortunately he lives six hours away (at university) so I only see him in the holidays. He is unmarried. As far as I know he has not raped anyone else. I think he just did it to me because he wanted to experiment and I was the easiest and most convenient guinea pig. We don’t really talk much, I haven’t confronted him and I don’t plan on doing so. It would rip our family apart and I would feel very humiliated. I also don’t want to be the one to cause him trouble. As ridiculous as it sounds I still care about him.

         
  19. Stefanie Krac

    June 10, 2015 at 3:43 am

    it is absolutely 100% possible for someone to be orally raped. I was 13 at the time and was at a friends house. It was my friend and another friends. Is threes girls were just hanging out. The girls house I was at was also occupied by her brother and his friend. It was abOut 10 so I decided to go to sleep. The house had many different spare rooms so I slept alone in one. I was woken up by my friends brothers friend
    grabbing my head and forcing his dick into my mouth. I fought to get away and it semi worked, he was not pleased with me not cooperating and so I guess it didn’t feel good enough for him . He proceeded to hold down and hold my hair while he jerked off, then he ripped my hair out while shoving his cum into my mouth. I have ptsd and I still face problems because of this rape. Oral rape is a real thing

     
    • bedsidereadings

      June 10, 2015 at 6:08 pm

      42swagg, very sorry about this. In fact, in your case particularly given your age, it appears to me that it was not just rape but child abuse as well. Did you ever tell your friends? This fellow might have gone to their rooms and done the same to them after you. You knew him – where is he now?

       
  20. e

    March 12, 2015 at 2:23 am

    To be honest, I’m offended that this is even a question. I am copy and pasting certain things that happened to me from what was in the original post of this.

    “In a rape involving the traditional sex act, in addition to using other threatening means, the offender most probably pins the victim down on her back before he gets on top of her.
    That position puts him in a position where he can probably hold both arms of the victim, thereby effectively demobilising her. Once she is down and demobilised, she becomes very vulnerable.”

    Though I was not vaginally raped, this is still how my attacker decided to rape me. Unfortunately, I was 16 at the time and now am nearly 22, and the statute of limitations in Indiana is 5 years, which is completely unfair and wrong for women and men (YES, MEN CAN BE RAPED, TOO!)

    In my particular situation, he did just what I quoted. He laid me down on my back, climbed on top of me, then held my arms above my head. He kissed me, tried to make me feel comfortable and special. I had no idea what I was doing, and as he was my boyfriend at the time, of course I wanted to please him. I didn’t even think about trying to bite him, because I felt it was my responsibility to make him feel good. In retrospect, I realize how wrong I was to think that, and I should have tried harder to get away, not that it would have done any good. I fought him as hard as I could, but he was a good hundred pounds heavier than I was, and I was pinned, so I had no way of getting him off. He then climbed up my body further, told me to open my mouth and stuck his penis in. He thrust, I gagged and tried to push against his arms, but he was mentally gone. Once he realized someone had come home, he quickly jumped off, tossed me my clothes and told me to hurry and get dressed. I did as I was told, and shortly after left his home. I don’t believe I saw him again after that.

    As I look back on it, I understand how horrible it was of him to do it to me. I didn’t speak about it to anyone until just a few weeks ago. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I didn’t know what to call it. I didn’t know how to talk about it.

    Anyway, that’s part of my story. I can’t think of how to word anything else because I’m so disgusted that this is even up for discussion.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      March 15, 2015 at 9:51 am

      First of all, I am so sorry to hear of what happened to you. I will ask my co-admin, the author of the article to respond. However, from a personal note, let me point the following:

      Thank you so much for writing and sharing your feelings. I’ll honest with you, from the very first time this article was written, it got so many hits that we were dumbfounded. Then slowly comment started coming in. And each and everyone’s story was a painful personal experience of victimization.
      Dear Emmy, I’ say this: The fact that you are writing, it means you are opening up and gathering strength to stand up and confront your victimizer. Yes, it is unfortunate you can’t take him to court of law due to statute of limitation, but I think the most important thing for you is to heal. I’m not qualified to give you any medical advice, but all I can say is that you seek some professional counselling.

      I suggest that you google victimized or exploited minors counseling help (I say minor, because you were victimized when you were a minor, so your emotional recollection of helplessness you may feel now are that of a little 16 year old girl afraid to report and expose him or confront him because you felt too ashamed and powerless.) Then it will be up to the counselor guide and assist you. If you attend church and know of a member of the congregation that has expertise in that area, see if you could either approach them directly or ask the wife of the pastor to assist with introduction.
      Whichever way, don’t stop, keep talking about it with those who will be understanding, and may be one day you will expose that pedophile and child molester sooner than later so that he won’t hurt any other child. Don’t worry about thinking that some people might not believe you. Just seek for professional help and you will come out stronger and of help to other victims that may be in your shoes.

      Sorry for being wordy, but I now realize the impact and the reasons why this article has so many hits. The intent of the title’s wording was not meant to offend or lack of sensitive in any way. But I’ll forward this email and your comments to him, he will respond to you.

      Thanks again. You are young enough to be my daughter, hold your head high, you didn’t do anything wrong, I wish you the best.

      Sam

       
      • bedsidereadings

        March 15, 2015 at 9:52 am

        Bedside readings on behalf of Emmy

        Thank you, Sam. Please speak to your son, but make it in a loving way. My mother talked to me about it, but maybe not as much as we should have discussed it. Part of me wants to say I don’t know how it happened, another part of me knows it was because I had no self-esteem and just wanted a boyfriend at that point. That’s no way to be in a relationship. I had no way of getting away from him once he started, even if I did say no. Thank you for your kind words. Please feel free to share my story with your son or anyone else if you would like to.

        Emmy

         
      • bedsidereadings

        March 15, 2015 at 9:55 am

        Dear Emmy,
        Thank you. As a father of a young 12 year boy, I now feel that it’s time to talk to him about sexual predators. You have opened my mind.
        The only reason I can think of him keeping it a secret from me (God forbid if it ever happened to him), is fearing of what I would do to the predator.

        Thank you again. Keep your head up.

        Best wishes.

         
      • bedsidereadings

        March 15, 2015 at 9:56 am

        Bedside readings on behalf of Emmy,

        Hi Sam,

        Yes please feel free to publish my comment. I appreciate you guys putting the comment at the beginning. I think it is important that people know they have people there to help them, not to put them down. And Sam, I’m sure you are a great father, and I pray that your son turns out like you! Have a terrific rest of your Saturday

        Emmy

         
    • cw

      March 10, 2017 at 10:00 am

      Well, its just difficult for someone who has not been the victim to understand how it would even be possible and i admit personally wondering the same thing (although i didnt post it) but due to someone i knew and considered a friend had told me how it happened to her the night she went to go buy some meth for us. She already had known him and dealt with him before but i guess this time it wasnt a mutual act once he took control and turned it into something she obviously wasnt ok with atter the fact –
      maybe she was willing at first to give him oral in exchange for getting more drugs but once she had him in her mouth he got rough and evil can happen so damn fast that a victim doesnt have time or a way to speak up until the crime has already been comitted.
      I believed her, but sadly knowing how she does and has offered up herself sexually had me doing a doubletake and then in my mind started to second guess if she was telling the truth or not because of being shorted by a large amount of the dope when she did finally show up with it but only after showing up to work the next morning yet i couldnt without the wake up stuff, which i was sure she knew that was why i needed to get it that night but irregardless, i came full circle after realizing myself how i was bullied in way the first time i ever had sex (or tried to anyhow) and it was not at all what i was expecting and when someone says stop get it out of me , and they dont listen or comply that is rape. in which case since it was not oral sex i was able to tell him. The rest is still a mess nobody needs to read about.

       
      • bedsidereadings

        March 15, 2017 at 8:31 am

        CW – this is a bit of a grey area for us which needs an input of professionals. Your friend’s case is as good as a black mail. The guy was taking advantage of her drug addiction. Your friends needs professional support, please help and encourage her to get it.
        As for you, I am sorry that your experience after consenting fell short of your expectations, but that aside, he should has stopped when you instructed him to get it out of you. We respect you decision not to share the messy bit, but again seeking professional support might help you psychologically.

         
  21. M

    November 8, 2014 at 12:44 am

    It’s very possible.

    When I was 13, two boys at my school found me hiding in a ventilaton room at my school at that time (this had come to be a hideout for me for many years as I was constantly bullied, verbally and physically. They looked the doors from the inside, standing against it. One held me down as the other tried to force me to take him into my mouth, when I refused they hit me and held my nose until I almost fainted, forcing it in when I tried getting air. Sure, I could have tried biting, but I’msure you would agree that it might not have been the smartest option when his friend was holding me down. I tried struggling and screaming for help, but either people didn’t hear or care. As the changes position I had simply given up, you just want it all to be over. In the end they didn’t even let go of me until I thanked them both, as the during the whole time kept telling me I should count myself lucky since this was as close to a man’s c*ck I’d ever get etc.

    To say rape orally isn’t possible, is a joke to me. Sure, it hasn’t been until recently, several years after this, that ive started calling it rape, but really. There’s far to many aspects into all rape situations to just ask “why didn’t you bite” or “but the guy is the one in a vulnerable situation”. Well yes, maybe the guy is more in a vulnerable situation in common, /consensual/ situations. But you cant just use them as example. There’s far to many ways and positions to force someone into giving oral. Just take my own experience. I was never in the position of control.
    Honestly, there shouldn’t even ever be a question whether this is possible…

     
    • bedsidereadings

      November 8, 2014 at 7:37 am

      Matilda,

      I am sorry for what you were subjected to. I give you credit for having the courage to share you ordeal with us.

      2 guys raped you, which is quite a different scenario from that potrayed in the article. I agree 100% that giving in is the safest thing you could have done. I suggest that if you are religious, seek comfort in the Lord.

      Matilda, Just out of interest and if you don’t mind – might you know what became of those guys later in life after you all moved on from that school? Might nature have ‘paid’ them back in one way or another?

       
  22. j

    October 23, 2014 at 10:52 am

    Not sure your motivation behind writing this article. It comes across like you are either:
    a) trying to come up with strategies to rape a cleaning lady or
    b) you have been told this story by a friend and you are doubting it.

    In either case, you are in the wrong, not the victim. Look yourself in the mirror and ask if you had been raped, no matter the circumstances, how would you feel if people doubted you? If people said you were lying? Who cares if it is possible? But I will humour you.

    The door being open means little. The attacker will be relying on the victim staying quiet from fear, and most of the room is usually out of sight of the door. How does the attacker keep the victim compliant? With fear, either of their life, or of embarrassment, or loss of their job.
    Do you think cleaning ladies have great job security? and do you think all hotel managers have great empathy for all of their staff? Suppose the victim is already scared of losing her job. Does she want to complain? What if the attacker is another staff member? what if the attacker is her manager??

    As for your ‘the attacker is vulnerable’ argument. That is rubbish. The dynamic of rape is the victim feels powerless. Otherwise they wouldn’t be in that position in the first place. There are many ‘opportunities’ during a rape when a victim possibly could have a bad feeling about it and run away or scream or fight back, but they don’t because they are powerless in that situation. Unless you have prepared yourself mentally and physically, it is extremely hard to know what to do when attacked.

    Some women do have the ability to fight back, but many don’t. If a man punched you in the face, I doubt you would instantly take up a fighting stance, put your guard up and prepare for a battle. You would be totally shocked, be confused, and totally open to further attack.

    Here is a possible scenario. The man walks to the door and closes it. He turns back. She immediately is outside of her comfort zone. On one hand he is a guest and she shouldnt offend him, on the other hand he shouldnt have gone and closed the door. She doesn’t know what to do. He walks straight up to her and kisses her. She is completely shocked and frozen. She has no idea what to do. He removes his towell and is now naked. He grabs her hand and places it on his genitals This is where she knows it is definitely wrong, and resists, but doesn’t have the presence of mind to scream. He becomes more forceful and threatens her with physical harm, threatens her job, or preys on any millions of the vulnerabilities we have as humans. He grabs her shoulders with immense strength and forces her down. Now she does struggle but he grabs her head and threatens to twist her neck and kill her. This is insane, she thinks, How is this happening to me? Her brain is totally confused and shocked, she has no idea what to do or how to get out of this situation. he says open your mouth or I will kill you. now she gives up. She is afraid for her life and this strong man is standing over her in a position of domination. She just wants it to be over. She has lost her will to fight. She opens her mouth and lets him do what he wants. It doesn’t take long. She is completely humiliated and sad.

    ?

     
  23. billy

    August 11, 2014 at 7:46 am

    What if the offender gives not receives the oral

     
    • bedsidereadings

      August 11, 2014 at 11:19 pm

      Thanks for your question. This article considers the circumstances discussed therein. It has not considered the offender giving the service.

       
    • Maeve

      July 14, 2015 at 6:16 pm

      Im really glad someone pointed this out because this is what i had to go through when i was 6,7, and part of 8. I only just realized that this was a type of rape because now that 14, ive been thinking about it more and more and decided to do some research on the matter. Im astounded the article didnt think about this possibility.

       
      • bedsidereadings

        July 19, 2015 at 7:23 pm

        Maevere, That is the purpose of this article – to make people like you to come out with experiences that illustrate the different perspectives. It just goes to show the devil that is in some people. At the age of 6, you hardly knew the difference between your left foot and your right foot, and the word self-defence is of no consequence at all. I am very sorry about what you have been subjected to.

         
  24. Melissa Merriweather

    May 31, 2014 at 4:23 am

    When I was 17, I was Flirty with a guy, and eventually we started fooling around. I started to perform oral sex on him. He was thrusting himself very hard inside my mouth, I was gagging. I stopped and told him to stop pushing so hard. He punched me in the face, then grabbed my ears very hard and forced himself into my mouth. I pushed him, and told him to stop, then he grabbed me, and pinned me on the bed and punched me in the face again, and again and told me to shut the f*** up and take it, and forced himself inside my mouth again. Then, I froze……and he proceeded to orally rape me. That incident traumatized me. It took me 8 years to realize why I was so traumatized…… I was raped. Yes….I could have bit him, I could have fought harder….. but I was petrified. Yes, in retrospect, he was the “vulnerable” one, but I froze. That is a common reaction, even for the more……”traditional” rape victims. No means no……even if the victim doesn’t fight. I could have bitten him,…..maybe he would have backed off and I could have ran…..or maybe he would have beaten me to death, we all have 20/20 hindsight. It’s insulting to assume it’s not rape if you don’t fight..Fear can be just as overpowering as physical force. It’s because of opinions like yours that make women like me feel like it was their fault. It took me years to realize I was raped ‘orally’. Rape is rape.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      May 31, 2014 at 1:30 pm

      Melissa,

      I am sorry about the trauma you have gone through following your experience. Thank you for having courage to share your story with us.
      I think you have misunderstood this article. There is no where it suggests that oral rape isn’t rape or that ‘no’ doesn’t mean ‘no’ or that it is not rape if you don’t fight. If you digest the article further, the reservations on the biting strategy become evident. In your case, you were not only raped, but also physically abused – he punched you.

      Similar to my response to Gabby, if you don’t mind my being intrusive, did you know this guy? Did your friends know him? Did you confide in any of your friends? He might have done the same to other women/girls including your friends.

       
  25. Gabby

    September 20, 2013 at 6:27 am

    It is absolutely possible to rape someone via oral sex. I know this because back in June I ran into a “friend” of mine and that is exactly what he did. The way he was able to accomplish it was when I turned around to run away he grabbed my long hair and pulled me back. Then he wrestled me to the ground and forced my shirt and bra off. I was lying on my back and he was on top of me, using his knees to pin my arms to the ground and his hands to hold my shoulders head and neck in the optimum position for penetration. I think what made this possible is the fact that he was quite a bit taller than me. Also my head was tilted back at such an angle that I couldn’t really bite down with much force. When I tried to bite all he had to do was grab my jaw with one hand and push on my forehead, forcing the back of my head into the mud with his other hand. There wasn’t much I could do except just lay there for the next 5 hours and take it.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      September 29, 2013 at 6:15 am

      Gabby
      I am sorry for the trauma you have gone through as a result of what you were subjected to.
      Being raped is very traumatic, but being raped by a ‘friend’ adds insult to injury.
      Thank you for having the courage to share your story.
      Did you take any measures to have him prosecuted?

       
      • Gabby

        October 18, 2013 at 5:31 am

        My immediate reaction was that it needed to be covered up. Like an idiot i went home and washed away all the evidence. I’ve since reported it but there’s not much they can do. It’s my word against his at this point.

         
      • bedsidereadings

        October 20, 2013 at 6:44 am

        Gabby,
        Please turn to the Lord and ask for the strength to endure what you are going through.

        If you don’t mind my being ‘intrusive’. Since he was a ‘friend’, he must be within your socialising circles. Do you still see him about with your other friends? If you do, please worn them that it could also happen to them, and that they shouldn’t wash away the evidence should it ever happen to them.

         
      • Gabby

        October 20, 2013 at 5:20 pm

        Thank you, I already have. Yes I still see him on a daily basis because he goes to my school. I’ve already warned all my other friends and made them promise not to cover it up like i did, should it happen to them.

         
    • Melissa Merriweather

      May 31, 2014 at 4:26 am

      I haven’t come across anyone who was raped orally. I’m sorry you had go through that. I also find it comforting that I’m not alone. I wish the best for you.

       
  26. altaf selod

    March 31, 2013 at 12:35 am

    humm wow

     
  27. Sam

    March 22, 2013 at 5:27 pm

     
  28. Sam

    February 24, 2013 at 10:33 pm

     
  29. Lulu

    January 26, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    Honestly I find it disturbing that you’ve spent so much time philosophizing about this scenario instead of spending your time supporting or advocating for protection against survivors of rape. But then again you may wonder why and how I stumbled across your article.

    This is because I was raped via oral sex. No, there was no weapon and no I didn’t feel particularly threatened. There weren’t extenuating circumstances where he would kill me family if I didn’t perform the act.

    I was under the influence of a drug at the time and I offered to perform a hand job on an individual I had recently met and merely been making out with. However he refused and insisted I perform oral sex on him. My inhibitions were lowered so I agreed. I performed the act despite gagging and slightly vomiting as a result. Though “technically” I had consented I was under the influence and I can tell you I felt ever bit as violated if I had been raped vaginally or under more diress circumstances.

     
    • bedsidereadings

      January 27, 2013 at 9:57 am

      Lulu,

      I am sorry for the trauma you have gone through as a result of what you were subjected to.

      This article does not in any way condone oral sex rape – which can happen to both men and women.

      As you will note from my response to Liz, let us exclude extremes.

      To me, being ‘under the influence’ is as good as a lethal weapon.

      In addition, even if you believe that you ‘technically’ consented, I am of the view that taking advantage of your circumstances was as good as raping you – and by its nature an offence.

      Lulu, please feel free to write against rape and let us post the text on the blog. We are more than happy dedicating a section to the support and advocation for protection against survivors of rape.

       
  30. Liz

    August 29, 2012 at 4:02 am

    Absolutely possible. There are ring gags that hold the mouth open. Obviously this would have to be very premeditated. In addition if a lethal weapon was involved I would think biting would hurt but how much does it take to pull a trigger?

     
    • bedsidereadings

      September 2, 2012 at 9:09 am

      Liz, you will agree with me that your ‘absolutely possible’ argument is based on extreme circumstances, i.e. having ring gags or a lethal weapon. If you re-read the article, you will realise that I have reservations of the biting strategy if a lethal weapon is involved!

      I am not considering extremes where anything is possible. I would like you to take into account the simplistic context of my argument – i.e. do you still believe that it is ‘absolutely possible’ in a hotel, with an open door etc AND in the absence of ring gags, lethal weapon etc? If so, please explain why you think it is possible and how you think it can happen.

       

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