Have you ever wished the ground should open and swallow you?

Last week a British celebrity became the centre of attention. A few minutes of what should have been private madness several years ago, were exposed into public domain – on the internet of all places.

Millions of enthusiasts have and are continuing to flock the different web sites where they have witnessed and continue to witness with their own eyes the celebrity having an intimate relationship and enjoying the pleasures of a spitting cobra – (not to be mistaken with what she is holding). It is reported that she is devastated and has taken legal action against the suspect.

It is an understatement to say she is devastated. But, there is no other better word to describe how she feels. I imagine that when she goes to sleep, she dreams about it and hopes it is a dream, a mere dream. Unfortunately, the reality strikes home whenever she wakes up!

It is probable that when she passes a group of people and they laugh, she thinks they are laughing at her, even when they are not aware of her presence. When she walks, she could be seeing these imaginary millions of people gazing at her, even when they aren’t aware of her presence! When she attends a public/private function, the same thoughts and imaginations overwhelm her. She will have to endure this for a long, long while.

But some of these situations are self-induced and therefore the resultant consequences self-inflicted. Filming yourself during such a private function is one thing, which in my view is bad enough. However, involving a third-party to film you (as it is likely to have been the case in this film), is another thing, which in my view deviates quite significantly from what is expected of a normal, stable and sober mind.

This has reminded me of several similar scenarios.

A milkman who doubled as a butcher in a small trading centre had a 17 year daughter who attended a boarding nursing school in a small town about 15 miles away. This girl had a love affair with one of the young men who resided in the trading centre, in a house almost opposite the butchery where her father worked.

One Friday evening, the girl escaped from school and went to visit her boyfriend. The boyfriend left her sleeping and went to work on Saturday morning. Someone knocked at the door around 11:00am. She went and opened the door. Looking straight at her, with a can of milk in his hands was her father.

This man thought his daughter was at school, but there she was. He didn’t utter any word. He put back the milk can on his bicycle and cycled away. That is the last time he took milk to the young man. I leave you to imagine how the girl felt! Her boyfriend had forgotten to tell her that her father delivers milk to his house.

A music system was stolen from an institution I worked for. It coincided with the theft of local politician’s music system. It was suspected that the architects of the theft could have come from the nearest town, which was 15 miles away.

The police suspected a handful of people who were unemployed and yet appeared to live affluently. A raid was organised and conducted on the suspects’ premises very early in the morning.

One of the suspects lived in a bed-sit. When they forced the door open, they caught him with a 15 year student girl who was attending one of the day secondary schools in town, and who was a minor according to the law.

The girl had convinced her father of the need to have private tuition, which was supposed to take place every early morning before attending school. But, the girl had not specified the subject(s) she was meant to be coached in, and the father had not asked either.

Little did he know that he was paying private tuition fees for an extra-curricular activity. The girl pocketed the tuition fees her father paid, and topped up with whatever the ‘tutor’ gave her.

The theft of a music system 15 miles away had now exposed the secret. The police arrested the man and charged him with fornication with a minor, and took the girl to the police station as their key exhibit/evidence. However, the girl put up a fight of her life. It took three policemen a good 15 minutes to manage moving her from the bed-sit on to the police pick-up.

The girl’s main concern was evidenced in her howling – ‘what will I tell my father? … He will kill me! …My mother, I am dead, I am dead’… Just imagine what went on into her head from the point the bed-sit was broken into, to the time her father went to pick her up from the police station!

During our primary and secondary school days, we studied with mature men and women. Our secondary school dormitories had open main areas for the juniors and back-rooms for the seniors – our ‘elders’.

The boys’ dormitories were located on the way out of the school. Occasionally, some senior girls could either get permission, or escape from school on Friday evenings or Saturday mornings.

A ‘public’ secret among the students was that some of the girls in fact ended up spending their weekends in the boys’ dormitories.

On one such occasion, we (the little ones) came to learn that a girl had been ‘imported’ by a senior boy (man), who also happened to be an international boxer and a member of the national team.

Late in the night, one of our colleagues was overwhelmed by curiosity, to an extent that he work-up and tiptoed and put his ear against the elder’s door. Little did he know that the elder wasn’t in the room! He had escaped into the village to get some crude local brew, and was on his way back when our colleague carried out his mission.

The elder came back and found the poor boy at the door, dragged him into the room, pushed him under the bed, undressed and switched on the engine. The boy spent the entire night being squashed between the bed springs and the floor. He satisfied his curiosity, but not quite the way he expected and would have wanted – an experience he will never forget especially when the teasing started! How he wished the ground would open for him!


2 responses to “Have you ever wished the ground should open and swallow you?

  1. Sam

    April 2, 2012 at 6:08 am

    That was a good one!


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